It Is Well

My heart feels heavy today...and at the same time, I feel so incredibly blessed. In the midst of all the chaos and busyness of life, I really feel the Lord telling me to "slow down" and listen. I am blessed. Every day I wake up to a beautiful family, a great job, and God continues to pour His love and mercy on me even though I am a mess.

I don't think I am quite ready to share the whole experience of the TX trip since I still have some harsh feelings about the process, and I know God uses ALL things, and I would hate to "quench the spirit" when I know God used me there for a reason. I knew before hand that it was a TV show and everything that went a long with that. I also had a peace about the results, because I know that God closes doors for a reason. I can't help but be disappointed; It's what I wanted. Just that -What.I.Wanted. I know God sees the bigger picture and His ways are best. I put myself out there, made myself vulnerable, and faced disappointment.

What I can say about the experience is this: I have the most amazing, supportive, loving husband a wife could wish for. He has sacrificed so much for me and has never once complained, even when I threw my own pity parties and felt sorry for myself. He is my rock.

There are bigger things than this "dream" and I am so grateful that I got to experience what I have. In the big scheme of things, it's not important. What's important is God's kingdom. I met a lot of people on that trip, I was there when a lot of them had their "dreams shattered" and I pray that in someway, they saw Christ in me. That's what it's about...we're merely tools and I couldn't be more grateful for that.

There's a peace I've come to know
though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say, it is well

Jesus has overcome
and the grave is overwhelmed
the victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise
when He calls my name
no more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise
on Eagle's wings
before my God fall on my knees
and rise, I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
when the darkness breaks to light
and the shadows disappear
and my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
and the grave is overwhelmed
the victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise
when He calls my name
no more sorrow no more pain
I will rise on eagle's wings
before my God fall on my knees
and rise, I will rise

And I hear the voice of many Angels sing
Worthy is the Lamb
and I hear the cry of every longing heart
Worthy is the Lamb
You are worthy, You are worthy